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Ségolène Royal
Best known as France's Nancy Pelosi, Ségolène est une chienne! Ségolène, is, like all French women, inherently sexy, what with their smoking, their trench coats and their indifference toward college-aged Americans who are backpacking through Europe. Mlle. Royal is Socialism's sexy Trojan horse. Social Policy Mlle. Royal hates Japanese anime and believes the cartoons corrupt children's minds. She even wrote books on how much she hates those goddamn cartoons. It could be said that Japanese anime can be more profound than her thought-provoking policies (well, what did you expect from a woman?), an opinion that is also shared by the Greatest Leader Bush who appreciates the real art form of Evangelion. Coming Out Of The Kitchen A plague of menses is flooding America's Planet. Women have been taking jobs away from men since the invention of the flammable bra. But recently a more incidious threat to balls everywhere has reared her perfectly coiffed head: female national leaders! This article, however, is about France, where the women have been doing what men can do do since the beginning plus French men aren't really men anyways. Why Not Madame Royal, Why Mademoiselle? Mlle. Royal is not married, even though she has four children. Sacre bleu! She does, however, love to wear heels everywhere she goes: to debates, and Chilean slums. Even though she proudly displays her bastard children, she does it in style. Only a Frenchman would tolerate such feminism, and Mlle. Royal has captured one for herself. She refuses to use more Biblically Correct phrases such as "husband" or "boyfriend" or even "old man", Mlle. Royal calls her man, Francois Hollande, "partner". And what kind of man is he? Why, he's the head of France's Socialist Party! Short of being another woman, what else could he be? Monseur Hollande does have a remnant of the balls God designed for him: his office is bigger than hers (but she decorates). It is from petite Poitou-Charentes, where she was regional premier, that Mlle. Royal hopes to move to the Elysee Palace, where the French president formally surrenders to all visitors. France's Presidential Election Mlle. Royal created her very own think-tank, "Desirs d'Avenir ", whose name translates as Future Desires, and one of these desires, she reserves for herself: the French Presidency! At the top of the list of studies for Mlle. Royal's Tank d'Think is how many people still care. Mlle. Royal did a little pensez for herself and decided she would move from her tiny digs at petite Poitou-Charentes, where she was regional premier, to the Elysee Palace, where the French president formally surrenders to all visitors. Her closest rival, Interior Minister Nicolas Sarkozy, once said of Mlle. Royal: When asked to explain his bit of French comedy, even Mr. Sarkozy didn't care. When all the votes were counted, Mlle. Royal's think tanks and ennui were not enough to defeat Sarkozy's All-American fear tactics; M. Sarkozy won. Measurement of Beauty Image:CharlotteRampling.jpg|Control Charlotte Rampling Image:SoledadObrien.gif|Soledad Mlle. Royal has the sad, bored eyes of Mme. Rampling, and her sour, smoker's mouth as well. But, she lacks the vague ethnicity cherished by Americans who favor Soledad types. Conclusion? Meh, but she is a woman, therefore Mlle. Royal rates a solid cinq.